dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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