Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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