At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize