i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
