From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
