It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize