looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
