he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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