You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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