did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
