This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
