i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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