are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
