She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
