Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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