wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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