i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
