If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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