Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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