I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
