Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
