We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
