Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
