Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
