dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
