The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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