people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
they need to just BURY HIM!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
