whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want to be your penis for a week.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
