i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
