She is in my trunk
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
