It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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