whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
