Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize