Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did i walk over a car last night?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
