It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
