I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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