Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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