she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sobbing to NWA
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
