It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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