I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize