i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
