is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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