She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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