I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
