I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have post one night stand depression
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