and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
