He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
