My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
as a side note pls kill me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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