My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
