Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
