She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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