Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
