dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
