i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
