I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
