I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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