i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize