i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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