just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
