Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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