Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
