I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
