We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
