I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
