After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
