Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He shit in the fireplace
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
