She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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