When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
