How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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