If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
