Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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