I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
