I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize