you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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