woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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