To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
