So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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