there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I did not marry a roomba.
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